Having the freedom to set your own schedule does NOT equal having time.
These past few weeks have been great, but have left me with minutes a day or less to do what I set out to do: make music. My SPCA volunteering is completely stalled. Depending on my mood I flip-flop between the bright side of this reality (I've spent a lot of time with my German family that I rarely see; I visited my good friends in LA; I'm going to New Mexico and Burning Man for the first time) and the anxious, can't-sleep side (I'm two-thirds of the way through my year off and what do I have to show for it? Am I not taking this seriously? Have I made the right choices?). It's a bit of a roller-coaster, and I'm not sure I'm tall enough to ride.
A lot of this stress I think comes from the fact that it's been forever since I finished a track. I have quite a few good projects in the pipeline, but with mostly sporadic time to work on them it's hard to focus and get the job done. Isn't this why I took a year off? To be able to devote twelve sequential hours a day to my music if I want to?
Once I get back from Burning Man and my friend from Germany (non-family this time) who's on a trip around the world heads out of SF, I'm thinking of going into hermit mode. I need to get back to the task at hand. I need to feel like the master of my own time. And most of all I need to feel like I'm using this precious time off for everything it's worth, because I dread an end at which I see only squandered potential and not the growth and achievement I know could have been.