Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Part IV: A New Hope...

I think it's been about twelve years since I last kept any consistent written record of my life- probably back in seventh-grade English class. We'd get a little time to write in our journals every other day or so, can't remember the frequency really. What I can remember was thinking that it was a little weird to have to turn our little personal thought-collections over to the teacher on a regular basis for "grading." Which really just meant checking that we'd actually been improving our minds and not scribbling incoherently, but it was still an off-putting concept. Even stranger, she'd sometimes leave comments about the things we'd written! Journal writing became an exercise in restraint and calculation, for me at least- a subtle balancing act between private musings for a future self and fulfillment of what I imagined was expected of a decidedly non-private audience.

Oddly enough, I find myself in a similar situation now.

I'm sure we all have our own opinions of the struggle between the introspective and the exhibitive in this brave new world of the "blogosphere," so I won't get into it here. But it's definitely something that's on my mind as I set out to make memories and proclamations of this very different life path I've created for myself, however temporary it may be.

Which brings me to the point, the thing that this is all about: I've voluntarily removed myself from a life path that began sometime around Kindergarten and ended about a month ago following a college graduation and three solid years of work. I'm embarking on a journey to see what will happen if I have no excuses to do anything but the things that are most important to me.

At least I hope it'll be a journey. Something that will bring me to a place in life from which I'll know that ground has been covered. Where it ultimately takes me... I have hopes but I'm keeping my expectations low. At least outwardly. There's an excellent chance that I'll end up right back where I was, and really that wouldn't be so bad. It's the journey that counts after all, right? But I'm hoping that, if I can get myself to reflect consistently (in writing) on obstacles, struggles, achievements, failures... I might be able to turn this journal into more than pins and string on a map of places been. Maybe something more like a flashlight on an unfamiliar road.

And with that, I'm going to drop the extended metaphor and inaugurate the blog. I guess we're all allowed to wax philosophical every now and then. I'm not really sure what the abstract "you" can expect from this in the long run, but I promise that I'll at least do my best to keep it interesting. And hopefully not in a train wreak kind of way.

Here's to change.

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